Destroy, destroy....

There's a whole lot of shakin' and bangin' and breakin' going on at our house. It's amazing how quickly things are coming down now that we're actually able to work on it. I have been taking lots of pictures, but unless you knew what the house looked like before the pictures probably all look the same, so instead of taking the time to upload them here, I'm going to put them all up on a Flickr (click on that link and it should take you there) page and anyone who's interested can go and look at the slide show.

Instead I'm going to tell my funny story about the windows.

About a year ago a couple moved in up the block from us, and Eli was chatting with them one day and found out that they actually used to live in our house. Not just that they used to live in our house, but that the guy's mother used to own it, and that he grew up there and that until about 12 years ago or so he and his wife lived there. And I said "Oh are their names Joe and Judy Smith?" (not their real names of course, but when I said it I said their real names), and Eli said "Yeah how did you know?"

Well the names Joe and Judy Smith (not really, but anyway) are sort of burned into my brain because about two months after I bought this house I got a letter from the bank saying that Joe and Judy Smith had defaulted on their Home Equity Loan and that because of this the Bank was going to foreclose on my house. I got this letter on the 3rd of July by the way, so everyone in the mortgage department was on vacation for the holiday, ditto everyone at my title company. When I did finally get to talk to real people about "what the heck is going on!?" they told me that Joe and Judy Smith had taken out a Home Equity Loan that was set up as a credit line, and that until recently they had continued to pay on it, even though they hadn't owned the house in over 5 years, there had actually been another owner in between them and me and (so says the genius at the title company) the lien had actually showed up in the title search, but because there hadn't been a problem with the previous owner they "assumed it was a mistake." Then when I asked them to send me a copy of my title insurance policy I was told that "it wasn't typed up yet." The closing was a month and a half previous to this, and I'm sure they weren't writing a special title insurance policy just for little ole' me, basically you just fill in the blanks and hit "print" right? Anyway, I was thoroughly P.O.ed with the title company.

The happy ending is that the title insurance payed the bank and I got to keep my house, but needless to say the names "Joe and Judy Smith" are etched into my brain and not in the "happy place" part of my brain either.

But I thought you said this was a story about windows?

Oh right, the windows. Since we've moved into the house we have been fighting against previous "improvements" done by previous owners. Like the overhead light that plugs into a wall socket, and the wall sockets that are partially obscured because when new flooring was installed they just put it over them instead of moving the electrical box. And the wall sockets that smoke when you plug things into them.

And the windows.

The windows are all different sizes, and they have been sort of shimmed in place into holes that are for the most part much larger than they are. It's not uncommon to install windows into holes that are larger than they are, but usually you would patch the drywall around them instead of just shoving dirty fiberglass insulation into them and leaving big open holes in the walls. Usually. And it would be nice if they were installed plumb and level so that when you wanted to close the window it actually sealed. That would be especially nice in the winter time when it's convenient to have closed windows instead of windows with inch wide gaps at the top where they don't shut properly.

Basically it would be nice to have windows which are not like this...This is the window that used to be in our bathroom, until our friend Ramsey pried it out of it's frame and threw it in the dumpster. I guess they must have run out of dirty fiberglass insulation, because this one has a wadded up towel in the gap in the top of the frame, and that black line running down next to the toilet? That's where the drywall has gotten mushy and flaked off because the window leaks so badly.

Here's the view from the outside:Now granted, one of the reasons that the window leaks so badly is because of the hole in the roof directly above it, which had a piece of sheet metal nailed over it up until recently...but a piece of sheet metal is not a roof repair, and a piece of unfinished particle board does not substitute for siding.

So here's the punch line to the whole story. While talking with Joe Smith about his former childhood home, Eli mentioned that we were about to start a major remodeling project. "Oh" says Joe Smith, "I'm pretty handy myself. I did a lot of improvements to that house while we were living there. I actually put in all the new windows."

I think it says a lot about Eli's character that he didn't a). laugh in his face, or b). punch him in the nose.

I was telling this story to a couple of friends last night and Eli mentioned that he's seen Joe Smith glaring at us whenever one of "his" windows goes into the dumpster. Sorry buddy, thems the breaks.

I wonder what Bob the Remodeling Mascot would have to say?